Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
