I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
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I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
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He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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