In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize