saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
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Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I deserve this hangover.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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