I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
