Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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