so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
