She announced her abortion via fbk
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
