When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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