Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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