I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
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