why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Randomize
