I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
