the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
