the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize