i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Banned from zoo.
Again?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
