dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
