Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
