we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
