Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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