he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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