No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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