I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
