yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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