he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
