The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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