He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
