somebody snuck up and got me drunk
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
