Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
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You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.