yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.