Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.