You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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