So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
