She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
