Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Barsexuality is the new black.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
