Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Randomize
