woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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