i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
