I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
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