Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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