am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
