She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
