The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
