ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
