I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
