Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
