My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Dignity is for republicans.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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