i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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