you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
