she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
