will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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