I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
