the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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