Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
