someone get that fucking seahorse.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I am one with the molecules
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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