1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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