I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Randomize
