she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
