while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Randomize
