I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
